Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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