you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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