when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
