**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
