I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
