so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
