i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
