We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
