You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
