capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
