Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
