I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
