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I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
