I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize