i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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