Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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