She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
