Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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