just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
