the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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