I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
