the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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