K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
