wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
