you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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