i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
