Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
