she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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