If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
