Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My balls are so social today.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
