and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
