she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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