There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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