and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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