before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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