Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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