Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize