theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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