Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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