your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
