You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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