I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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