Just fell off a train. Bad.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
