Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
