God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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