I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you had me at cake vodka
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
