Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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