just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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