i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
