Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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