if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
