All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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