The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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