Someone shit on the floor
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
