Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
