More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish I only lived at night.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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