They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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