dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
