News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize