I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
