I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
