Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
