Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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