I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
