Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
