she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
