Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
