What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
